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“Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.” – H.L. Mencken
To say that American politics is a circus would be cliche; to label the 2016 presidential candidates as monkeys, redundant. So instead of belaboring you Dear Readers with such comically tragic perspectives of our long-stalling crimson Model T, we’re going to bring a lighter note to this silly symphony of sycophants… by putting the Democratic and Republican frontrunners in nice, big barrels. Because in this time of systematic conflict, we need to remember that deep down we’re all the same. And who doesn’t like a nice, big barrel? (It’d be damn un-Patriotic if you didn’t.)
And as an homage to our executive power-wielding not-so-Lame Duck, ever appropriately codenamed “Renegade” by the Secret Service, we’ve decided to include Barry from Hawaii by way of Chicago as well — for old time’s sake, you know?